Ridge Insights - August 2008
No Buts
Ridge Insights
A monthly e-brief from Ridge Training
Date: August 18, 2008
To subscribe: http://www.ridge.com/Pub_Newsltr.html
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WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT - NO BUTS ABOUT IT
How would you feel if someone made the following comments to you?
"That's an interesting idea, but we need to be realistic about our resources right now."
"I know you're upset about the layoffs but the decision has been made."
"Your suit looks nice but that tie is a little loud, don't you think?"
Somewhere in the conversation, there's a sniper shooting you down. Can you feel it? You're not realistic; stop being upset; get a new tie. Look closely: where is that sniper is hiding? "You're doing a good job but you need to manage your time better." Hear that "but"? Shot down again. Such is the power of one tiny word.
The word "but" acts like a big eraser of whatever came before it. "I see your point but..." We use the word without realizing how it divides people and damages relationships. Using "but" is a bad habit when it comes to working with other people.
Here's the good news: there's another tiny word that has even more power. That word is "and." Let it become your new habit.
"And" may not look impressive; however, sandwiched in the pause of a discussion, it has the strength to shift the terms of the entire conversation. The "and" legitimizes what comes before it. More importantly, you will probably say things differently when using "and" instead of "but." The word "and" followed by a pause forces you to think differently about what you will say:
"You're doing a good job ... and ... here's where I want you to focus..."
"That's an interesting idea ... and ... I'm concerned about our resources right now..."
"I see your point ... and ... my take on the situation is…"
Phrased this way, the conversation allows for interesting opportunities. It creates a level playing field, making both perspectives equally valuable. It becomes a preface to problem solving and an opening to better understanding. It can defuse defensiveness and create opportunities to address an issue in a new, refreshing way.
Want some help remembering to use "and"? Download our "No Buts" reminder in the "Other Pieces" area of the "Articles" section of our web site.
(http://www.ridge.com/Pub_Article.html)
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Copyright 2008 - Ridge Associates, Inc. - All Rights Reserved.
Copyright 2008 Ridge Associates, Inc. All Rights Reserved.